What is the meaning of all this. Just stop trying. No, don’t stop trying, just try something else.

This whole place feels soft when you let it. Soft as a babies skin. Not the I have touched a baby recently. But no one wants that out no, they want to imagine it’s tough. It’s tough to be standing up tall and doing good work. It’s some kind of goddam miracle. Well thats all a bunch of bull because the world is soft and it is people that are hard. You would be hard too, if you ever did a goddamn thing. But not us, no, not my generation. Were all too damn soft, just like the world. Our parents made us this way I am sure, and society, the government. Everyone has been trying to make things easier, faster, simpler. Now the whole goddamn world is soft and retarded and the only way to get out of it is go against the grain. Which isn’t even grain anymore. It’s like trying to sharpen a blade with marshmallow. But nobody tells you that. Because anybody that knows anything knows about how it used to be and not about how it is. And how it is ain’t how it used to be. Which is fine, in fact it is probably a good thing. Once we get a hang of it all. I think I got a hang of it now. Just for a few seconds, I get my claws into it. Then it tumbles away back down the rabbit hole. But that’s it. That’s the thing in itself. You gotta lose it. If you had it all the time you would die from ecstasy. No one would understand a thing you said. Because the whole world is mixed up. We see it every day. The fact that we can get along at all is a miracle. We have turned that fact that everyone want’s something they don’t have into a gimmick. What a stroke of genius that was. Keep the people hungry and mixed up and no one will make any problems. Not me. Not anymore. I can solve all my problems. I got a dog in the race. It’s me. I am running the show from now on.

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